I don’t think I have ever met a parent who hasn’t at some point, been filled with stress, worry and fear about their kids - it's part of the job right!
Are we saying/doing the right things? The right school? The right sport? Are we pushing too hard? Not hard enough? Are they happy? Are they healthy
Lurking under all that worry is the biggest fear of all:
Am I Failing My Children?
This is the nagging fear that what we say and do today may negatively affect our child/ren's future if we don’t get it right. So we strive for perfection - and beat ourselves up when we don’t measure up.
If there is just one gift I would give parents, it would be to understand that:
You and your child/ren are all learning to navigate this journey together.
It is a marathon - not a sprint.
You are not perfect - you will make mistakes - it is how you deal with them that is important here.
How Do I Deal With the Guilt?
When we feel like a failure, we experience shame, guilt and blame - feelings that are painful and make us do whatever we can to avoid the issue - rather than facing up to it and dealing with it.
Learning to forgiving yourself for your mistakes, enables you to learn to recognise and release these uncomfortable feelings - helping you to take a fresh look at the situation, gain new understandings, and take whatever action is appropriate.
“Learning to be kind to yourself and forgive yourself for your mistakes is the greatest gift you can give yourself and your child/ren."
Perhaps you need to apologise and make it right, or let it go and move on? Maybe you need to explain? Or forgive others …. the possibilities are endless once you have forgiven yourself for your mistakes and released the shameful feelings that have been holding you back from addressing the situation and sorting it out.
Easier Said Than Done?
Step One - Make Friends With Your Inner Critic:
Your Inner Critic = that voice inside your head (yes, we all have one!) that gives you a hard time.
It is extremely difficult to forgive yourself for your mistakes if your inner critic is constantly giving you a hard time about every little thing that you do.
Learning to be kinder to yourself is vital for healthy, happy living and is a journey in itself.
Learning to quiet your mind and create a supportive inner dialogue that helps you be your best self is essential to the forgiveness process.
Which is why the tool "Making Friends with your Inner Critic" is included in my free "Fearbuster" App. It is a useful and easy process designed to support my clients with a consistent, gentle reminder of how to be kind to yourself.
You can download the "fearbuster" App on Apple or Google Play and sample ALL of the tools for free.
“Making friends with your own Inner Critic is the first step to becoming your true authentic self."
Step Two - Learning To Forgive Yourself
The biggest questions I get about forgiving yourself are - "What if I have done something really bad? Is it really okay to forgive myself?"
The best answer I can give you for this is ....
Forgiving yourself is not a get out jail free card and it is not a magic solution to all your past disasters. It IS an important step towards healing both for yourself, and for those around you, and I encourage you to begin to take those steps in whatever way resonates with you.
I have many years of experience helping parents to release their inner guilt. "Release the fear of failing my children" is a tool designed to support parents in this journey and uses my newly developed Havening Forgiveness Process to bring hope, comfort and self belief.
It is truly transformative and I highly recommend it to parents to use on a regular basis.
“Forgiving yourself helps you step up and take responsibility for your mistakes, and do what you can to make it better."
You can download the "fearbuster" App on Apple or Google Play and sample ALL of the tools for free.
"Making Friends with your inner critic" is available on its own or as part of the complete First Aid Kit.
"Release the fear of failing my children" is available in the Changing Room.
Enjoy.
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